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Turn up your volume......
http://www.chooseyouritem.com/jokes/wfhm.html
Friday, December 08, 2006
A nun at Hooters
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue
of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she preceded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir , I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us, "said the bartender, "Wouldyou like a
drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf onthe statue is lifted up, the lights go out !
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue
of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she preceded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir , I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us, "said the bartender, "Wouldyou like a
drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf onthe statue is lifted up, the lights go out !
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Origins of popular expressions
LIFE IN THE 1500'S
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying. It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer..
And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !
Educate someone. Share these facts with a friend
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying. It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer..
And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !
Educate someone. Share these facts with a friend
The gender of a computer
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes ar e stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes ar e stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Little Red and horse's end
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off Kid, I'm trying to poop!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And while on the subject, check this out!
http://www.geocities.com/tacapollo/oopsBJ.mpeg
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off Kid, I'm trying to poop!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And while on the subject, check this out!
http://www.geocities.com/tacapollo/oopsBJ.mpeg
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Victims of Drive-by grafitti artists
"Hi, Honey! I spent my day getting a make-over!The hair-stylist said my long, blond hair was out and this cut was all the rage! Then the woman at the make-up counter said I needed to wear a little more make-up. She kept squinting while she was putting it on. She said she forgot her glasses at home....but, what REALLY made me a little nervous was when I went to get a new pair of ear-rings and the girl with the piercing gun got a terrible case of hiccups....what do you think? Honey?....Honey?...Where are you going? Honey?......"
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When Joe's wife told him to get a spine, he never suspected it would come with a zipper.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since they took the swings off the playground, the kids had to find a new way to hang out.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wouldn't you know it! My first party and I get this nasty zit! Now everyone's staring at it! I shoulda used that Clearasil! Bummer!!! I know all the chicks are thinking there goes zit-boy! My reputation is ruined!"
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"An then thee thaid dat thee'd gib me a wing.....I thought id wath on da fon!"
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"An then thee thaid dat thee'd gib me a wing.....I thought id wath on da fon!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wow, man! Like I dozed off on this bench across the tatoo school and when I like woke up......!"
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A REAL Coca-cola pin-up model! Luckily the store was out of the boss-sized Coke!
"Wow, man! Like I dozed off on this bench across the tatoo school and when I like woke up......!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A REAL Coca-cola pin-up model! Luckily the store was out of the boss-sized Coke!Chalk it up to talent!
It's hard to believe these are flat drawings!
More chalk drawings from Julian Beever. Scroll down slowly and stop at each new frame. Incredible!!!!! Julian Beever is an English artist who's famous for his art on the pavement of E! ngland, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium Beever gives to his drawings an amazing 3D illusion.
More chalk drawings from Julian Beever. Scroll down slowly and stop at each new frame. Incredible!!!!! Julian Beever is an English artist who's famous for his art on the pavement of E! ngland, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium Beever gives to his drawings an amazing 3D illusion.Talking Dog
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired"
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired"
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."
Tibetan Personality Test
~ Take your time with this test and you will be amazed. The Dalai Lama suggests you read it to see if it works for you. Very Interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you.
Be honest and do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.
MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!
A warning! Answer the questions as you go along. There are only 4 questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results. Go down slowly, and complete each exercise as you scroll down. Don't look ahead.
Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self. Give an answer for each item. The first thing that comes to mind is usually your best answer. Remember - no one sees t his but you.
(1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference: Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig
(2) Write one word that describes each one of the following: Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.
(3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is important to you, which you can relate them to the following colors. Do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color: Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.
(4) Finally, write down your favorite number, and your favorite day of the week.
FINISHED? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.
Look at the interpretations below: But first before continuing, REPEAT your wish.
ANSWERS:
(1) This will define your priorities in your life. Cow Signifies CAREER Tiger Signifies PRIDE Sheep Sign ifies LOVE Horse Signifies FAMILY Pig Signifies MONEY
(2) Your description of dog implies your own personality. Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner. Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies. Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex. Your description of the sea implies your own life.
(3) Yellow: Someone you will never forget Orange: Someone you consider your true friend Red: Someone that you really love White: Your twin soul Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life
4) You have to send this message to as many persons as your favorite number and your wish will come true on the day that you recorded. This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium - just take a few seconds to look it up, read it and think. Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise.
__________________________________________________
In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out infriendship, and never in want.-Irish toast-
Be honest and do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.
MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!
A warning! Answer the questions as you go along. There are only 4 questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results. Go down slowly, and complete each exercise as you scroll down. Don't look ahead.
Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self. Give an answer for each item. The first thing that comes to mind is usually your best answer. Remember - no one sees t his but you.
(1) Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference: Cow, Tiger, Sheep, Horse, Pig
(2) Write one word that describes each one of the following: Dog, Cat, Rat, Coffee, Sea.
(3) Think of someone, who also knows you and is important to you, which you can relate them to the following colors. Do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color: Yellow, Orange, Red, White, Green.
(4) Finally, write down your favorite number, and your favorite day of the week.
FINISHED? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.
Look at the interpretations below: But first before continuing, REPEAT your wish.
ANSWERS:
(1) This will define your priorities in your life. Cow Signifies CAREER Tiger Signifies PRIDE Sheep Sign ifies LOVE Horse Signifies FAMILY Pig Signifies MONEY
(2) Your description of dog implies your own personality. Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner. Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies. Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex. Your description of the sea implies your own life.
(3) Yellow: Someone you will never forget Orange: Someone you consider your true friend Red: Someone that you really love White: Your twin soul Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life
4) You have to send this message to as many persons as your favorite number and your wish will come true on the day that you recorded. This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium - just take a few seconds to look it up, read it and think. Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise.
__________________________________________________
In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out infriendship, and never in want.-Irish toast-
Quiz: Political but not negative.....
I just completed a (literally) ten-second online quiz designed to gauge political attitudes. It asks just 10 (only ten!!) questions, and then it instantly tells you where you stand politically, showing your position as a red dot on a political map so you can see exactly where you score. Maybe the most interesting thing about the quiz is that it goes beyond the stereotyped Democrat, Republican, Independent, etc., categories, and it's gotten a lot of praise. The Washington Post said it has "gained respect as a valid measure of a person's political leanings", and Fraser Institute said it's "a fast, fun, and accurate assessment of a person's overall political views most concise and accurate political quiz out there." You can find it at http://www.theadvocates.org/quiz.html
Try it you may be surprised!
Try it you may be surprised!
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Hang in there....
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They were unable to decide who would let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was usedto giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, and was usedto always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech,all the men started clapping ...
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They were unable to decide who would let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was usedto giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, and was usedto always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech,all the men started clapping ...
Last child support check
Today my baby girl's 18th birthday. I be so glad that this be my last childsupport payment!
Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she getthere, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin' from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face."
So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face.Baby girl walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?
"She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy".... and watch the 'spression on yo face.
Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she getthere, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin' from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face."
So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face.Baby girl walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?
"She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy".... and watch the 'spression on yo face.
Cheney Humor
Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses
10. "Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm"
9. "Wanted to get the Iraq mess off the front page"
8. "Not enough Jim Beam"
7. "Trying to stop the spread of bird flu"
6. "I love to shoot people"
5.! "Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter"
4. "I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me"
3. "Excuse! ? I hit him, didn't I?"
2. "Until Democrats approve medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly"
1. "Made a bet with Gretzky's wife
10. "Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm"
9. "Wanted to get the Iraq mess off the front page"
8. "Not enough Jim Beam"
7. "Trying to stop the spread of bird flu"
6. "I love to shoot people"
5.! "Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter"
4. "I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me"
3. "Excuse! ? I hit him, didn't I?"
2. "Until Democrats approve medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly"
1. "Made a bet with Gretzky's wife
Who says rednecks are dumb?
Hello, is this here the sheriff's office?"
"Yes. What can I do foryou?"
I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holesinhis farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. Theysearch the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they split everypiece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd.Did the sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
(Who says rednecks aren't real bright?!)
"Yes. What can I do foryou?"
I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holesinhis farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. Theysearch the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they split everypiece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd.Did the sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
(Who says rednecks aren't real bright?!)
Age guage....
What have you experienced during you life time? If discovering the wheel or fire is part of your answer, skip this site entirely!
Otherwise, fill in your birth date in the box and discover a timeline of your life.
Click here: Age Gauge
Otherwise, fill in your birth date in the box and discover a timeline of your life.
Click here: Age Gauge
Preventing home-grown illegal aliens.....
A blonde couple had 9 children.
They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".
The doctor asked them why, after 9 children, would you choose to do this-----now.
The husband replied that they had read a recent article that 1 out of every 10 children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".
The doctor asked them why, after 9 children, would you choose to do this-----now.
The husband replied that they had read a recent article that 1 out of every 10 children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
Reality Check
REAL or HOAX? Take this test and find out
How good do you think your eyes are? Good enough to detect the small things that give away a photo as a hoax? Good enough to know the 'real' thing when you see it?
Take this test. It presents ten fairly recent e-mail photos, and gives you a chance to decide "real" or "hoax". After you 'vote', it gives the actual (factual) explanation, and at the end, it shows how many of them fooled you, and how many of them you spotted.
http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/4462/real_or_hoax1.swf
How good do you think your eyes are? Good enough to detect the small things that give away a photo as a hoax? Good enough to know the 'real' thing when you see it?
Take this test. It presents ten fairly recent e-mail photos, and gives you a chance to decide "real" or "hoax". After you 'vote', it gives the actual (factual) explanation, and at the end, it shows how many of them fooled you, and how many of them you spotted.
http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/4462/real_or_hoax1.swf
Religiously Twisted
This email goes against my policy of avoiding political or religious topics. I can't help it, this group REALLY needs to get a life!!!
http://www.godhatesfags.com/main/index.html
First they picketed the victims of the local coal mine disaster earlier this then and then they threatened to picket the funeral of the Amish girls that were recently killed (only agreeing not to when given public air time instead).
I can't understand the mindset of people like this. Growing up just outside the Amish community (in fact, I went through Elementary School with an Amish girl who daily wore the traditional dress and hair cap of her faith). Not to judge anyone's beliefs over anothers, but, I find the Amish to be one of the most devoted faiths around. The entire population literally LIVES a pious life-rejecting most all of the modern luxuries and benefits of the last century to conform to the strict beliefs of their elders.
It was sadly tragic enough, that this community of people who made all possible attempts to avoid modern society, became a casualty of their own isolation, when their lives were suddenly international news over such a tragic event.
It doesn't matter what the politics of this hate group are, it is plain immoral to even threaten to picket the funeral of innocent Amish girls. What could they possibly plan as an encore, planting a car-bomb on Sesame Street?
http://www.godhatesfags.com/main/index.html
First they picketed the victims of the local coal mine disaster earlier this then and then they threatened to picket the funeral of the Amish girls that were recently killed (only agreeing not to when given public air time instead).
I can't understand the mindset of people like this. Growing up just outside the Amish community (in fact, I went through Elementary School with an Amish girl who daily wore the traditional dress and hair cap of her faith). Not to judge anyone's beliefs over anothers, but, I find the Amish to be one of the most devoted faiths around. The entire population literally LIVES a pious life-rejecting most all of the modern luxuries and benefits of the last century to conform to the strict beliefs of their elders.
It was sadly tragic enough, that this community of people who made all possible attempts to avoid modern society, became a casualty of their own isolation, when their lives were suddenly international news over such a tragic event.
It doesn't matter what the politics of this hate group are, it is plain immoral to even threaten to picket the funeral of innocent Amish girls. What could they possibly plan as an encore, planting a car-bomb on Sesame Street?
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