Posts
This will REALLY test your American English!!!
This is one of the most interesting things I have run across, enjoy it!
This is fun, give it a try!
Click on link below:
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
5 NUNS IN TOWN
Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July.
It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.
It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.
Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and
Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.
They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.
(scroll down)
The price of Gas versus Printer Ink
All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....
You will be really shocked by the last one! Compared with Gasoline......
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 .........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ..... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ..... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ....$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?
So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............
(you won't believe it....but it is true........)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...
You will be really shocked by the last one! Compared with Gasoline......
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 .........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ..... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ..... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ....$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?
So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............
(you won't believe it....but it is true........)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...
Men Have It Easier
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental- $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental- $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Little House in the Big City
Actual House for sale in Brooklyn
Here's the living room, looking towards the front of the house
Here's the living room again, looking towards the back ....
Here's the kitchen. Note that despite the small space,they've managed to fit a washer and dryer into the place
Here's the bedroom. It comes with a Murphy bed, which is a necessity in such a space. This is what itlooks like with the Murphy Bed down
This house, located near the intersection of Ave T and Van Siclen Ave is believed to be Brooklyn's smallest house. Occupying what used to be a driveway, it's a one bedroom, one bathroom home that sits on a parcel of land 7.25 feet (2.2 metres) wide and 113.67 feet (34.6 metres) long and has an interior area of just under 300 square feet (under 28square metres).
Here's the living room, looking towards the front of the house
Here's the living room again, looking towards the back ....
Here's the kitchen. Note that despite the small space,they've managed to fit a washer and dryer into the place
Here's the bedroom. It comes with a Murphy bed, which is a necessity in such a space. This is what itlooks like with the Murphy Bed down
And here the bedroom with the Murphy Bed retracted:
You also get some patio space out back.Here it is, looking towards the front of the house:
And here's the patio looking towards the back:
Here are the home's 'Listed Features': * Completely re-done top-to-bottom, front-to-back!
* Tumbled stone entrance walk
* Renovated Bath
* Renovated Kitchen with newer stove, new cabinets and new stacked washer/dryer
* Bedroom with Murphy Bedd + 'Built-Ins' ... (doubles as a den)!
* Walk-out to fenced patio
* 100 Amp service
* 2 Satellite Dishes and Receiver
* Window Air Conditioner Available
THE PRICE ? ? ?
You get all this for ONLY$179,900.00!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
PRICE OF GAS AROUND THE WORLD
Feeding a horse might be cheaper than feeding my
car.
Price of Gas around the World
And it will get higher yet..
-----------------------------
Prices are quoted in US dollars per gallon for
regular unleaded.
Oslo, Norway
$6.82
Hong Kong
$6.25
Brussels, Belgium
$6.16
London, UK
$5.96
Rome,Italy
$5.80
Tokyo, Japan
$5.25
Sao Paulo, Brazil
$4.42
New Delhi, India
$3.71
Sidney, Australia
$3.42
Johannesburg, South Africa
$3.39
Mexico City
$2.22
Buenos Aires, Argentina
$2.09
... YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ...
Riyadh , Saudi Arabia
$0.91
Kuwait
$0.78
Caracas, Venezuela
$0.12
NOW, DOESN'T THAT JUST FROST YOUR PATOOTIE?!
car.
Price of Gas around the World
And it will get higher yet..
-----------------------------
Prices are quoted in US dollars per gallon for
regular unleaded.
Oslo, Norway
$6.82
Hong Kong
$6.25
Brussels, Belgium
$6.16
London, UK
$5.96
Rome,Italy
$5.80
Tokyo, Japan
$5.25
Sao Paulo, Brazil
$4.42
New Delhi, India
$3.71
Sidney, Australia
$3.42
Johannesburg, South Africa
$3.39
Mexico City
$2.22
Buenos Aires, Argentina
$2.09
... YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS ...
Riyadh , Saudi Arabia
$0.91
Kuwait
$0.78
Caracas, Venezuela
$0.12
NOW, DOESN'T THAT JUST FROST YOUR PATOOTIE?!
Geography ...
Better get out your world atlas before you try this one !!
This will keep you going for hours - it's not easy.
Click the link below ...
http://www.lufthansa-usa.com/useugame2007/html/play.html
This will keep you going for hours - it's not easy.
Click the link below ...
http://www.lufthansa-usa.com/useugame2007/html/play.html
This is too true to be funny - funny enough to cry that is.
The next time you hear a politician use the
word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
but one advertising agency did a good job of
putting that figure into some perspective in
one of its releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were
living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-God had not created us yet.........?
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and
20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans .. Interesting number, what does it mean?
A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of
New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you
each get $516,528.
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family
gets $2,066,012.
Washington , D.C .. HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Perm it Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fe e Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Su rcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Su rcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to 'press 1' for English.
What the heck happened?????
word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
but one advertising agency did a good job of
putting that figure into some perspective in
one of its releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were
living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-God had not created us yet.........?
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and
20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans .. Interesting number, what does it mean?
A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of
New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you
each get $516,528.
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family
gets $2,066,012.
Washington , D.C .. HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Perm it Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fe e Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Su rcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Su rcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to 'press 1' for English.
What the heck happened?????
Thursday, July 17, 2008
This is too true to be very funny
The next time you hear a politician use the
Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
Whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of its releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were
Living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and
20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number, what does it mean?
A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of
New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you
Each get $516,528.
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family
Gets $2,066,012.
Washington , D.C . HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??
Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.
Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax hi m until he's good and sore..
Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me to my doom!'
And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Perm it Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Su rcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to 'press
1' for English.
Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
Whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
But one advertising agency did a good job of
Putting that figure into some perspective in
One of its releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were
Living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and
20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number, what does it mean?
A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of
New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you
Each get $516,528.
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family
Gets $2,066,012.
Washington , D.C . HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??
Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.
Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax hi m until he's good and sore..
Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me to my doom!'
And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Perm it Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Su rcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to 'press
1' for English.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Would YOU stop drinking?
Found in a Montana history book circa 1919
If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and came upon the following poster:
I mean seriously, would you quit drinking?
If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and came upon the following poster:
I mean seriously, would you quit drinking?
LIE DETECTOR
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
Southern Jokes
Alabama
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
Pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping
Garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head'
Yep', he replied. 'That's why I'ma dumpin it here, cause it says
'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.
Louisiana
A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world
Comes, I hope to be in Louisiana.'
When asked why, he replied he'd Rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 Years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said To his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'
Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'
The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'
Georgia
A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75 The trooper asked, 'Got any I. D.?'
The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'
Tennessee
A man in Tennessee had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, 'I got a flat tare.'
The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'
The man responded, 'When you break down they tell ya to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'
Arkansas
'You can say what you want about the South,
But I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the north.
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his
Pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping
Garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head'
Yep', he replied. 'That's why I'ma dumpin it here, cause it says
'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.
Louisiana
A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world
Comes, I hope to be in Louisiana.'
When asked why, he replied he'd Rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 Years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said To his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'
Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'
The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'
Georgia
A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75 The trooper asked, 'Got any I. D.?'
The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'
Tennessee
A man in Tennessee had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, 'I got a flat tare.'
The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'
The man responded, 'When you break down they tell ya to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'
Arkansas
'You can say what you want about the South,
But I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the north.
Ashes to Ashes
An inquisitive young boy nervously approached his priest after the Sunday Service and asked: ”Father, is it true that when we are born we come from the dust, and when we die we return to the dust?”
The puzzled priest responded, “Yes, that is true… When we are born we come from the dust and, when we die, we return to the dust…... Why do you ask?”
“Well,” the boy whispered, ”I think there’s someone under my bed but I can’t if they’re coming or going!!!!”
The puzzled priest responded, “Yes, that is true… When we are born we come from the dust and, when we die, we return to the dust…... Why do you ask?”
“Well,” the boy whispered, ”I think there’s someone under my bed but I can’t if they’re coming or going!!!!”
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