And Still MORE Blonde Jokes

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly .

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'






'So I just switched the heads.'

(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)

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A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist

for some rectum deodorant.



The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that,

they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.



Unphased, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the

stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.



'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'we don't have any.'



'But, I always buy it here,' says the blonde.



'Do you have the container that it came in?' asks the pharmacist.



'Yes,' said the blonde, 'I'll go home and get it.'



She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks

at it and says to her, 'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.'



Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from

the container: To apply, push up bottom!

Blondapalooza

There were three blondes who wanted to cross a river.

So the first blonde asked God if he would make her smart enough to know how to swim and cross the river.

So God did.

The second blonde asked God to make her smart enough to build a raft and croos over the river.

So God did.

When the third blonde was about to ask God for her wish, God said, "I'm tired of you blondes and your dumb wishes." So he made the third blonde smart enough to see the bridge and cross over it.

ALTERNATE VERSION................

Three blondes were on a deserted island.

All of the sudden a genie popped out of the sand. The genie said, "I'll grant you each one wish."

The first blonde said, "Turn me into a boat, so i can sail to land."

The genie said "Poof", and she sailed to land.

The second blonde wished to be a plane so she could fly to land.

The genie said "Poof", and she flew to land.

The third blonde wished to be a brunette, and the genie said, "Poof" and she turned into a brunette. Then she walked over the bridge.

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A blonde dyed her hair jet black so that people would think she was smarter.

It seemed to work.

People treated her with more respect, and she even felt smarter.

To celebrate, she took a drive in the country.

She spotted a field full of sheep, and got out to take a look.

She found the farmer and said, "these things are so cute, and soft. What are they?"

"Uh, they're sheep, miss," he replied.

"If I can tell you how many sheep are in this field, can I have one?" she asked.

"OK," replied the farmer.

Feeling very smart, she looked around the field and proclaimed, "347."

"Exactly," exclaimed the farmer. "Help yourself."

She picked up an animal she liked and was walking back to her car when the farmer said, "Miss, if I can tell you what color your hair used to be, can I have my dog back?"
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. She politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.
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There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disneyland. When they were about half way there, the blonde saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left," so the blonde turned back around and went home.
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when an attractive blonde neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?"

"There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying "You've Got Mail."
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A blonde, a brunette and a red head found a magic mirror.

If you lie to the mirror you explode.If you tell the truth you survive.

The red head say's,"I think I am the prettiest girl in the world." BOOM!

The brunette say's,"I think I am the smartest girl in the world." BOOM!

The blonde say's,"I think..."BOOM!
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A philosopher, a mathamatician and a blonde all go to hell.

The Devil makes them a deal. "If you can stump me, I will let you go to heaven."

The philosopher asks a philosophy question and the Devil snaps his fingers and a book appears and he reads the answer.

The mathamatician asks a math question and the Devil,again,simply snaps his fingers and a book appears and he abnswers the math question.

Then the blonde pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it and farts. She asks the Devil,"What hole did the fart come out of?" The Devil says,"That's easy, all of them." Then the blonde says,"No, it came out of the hole in my ass.. duh."
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A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy", she yelled, "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to ten!"

"Very good", said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" asked the girl.

"Yes, it's because your blonde." replied her mother.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy", she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today and all the other kids said up to D. But I said to G!"

"Very good", said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" asked the girl.

"Yes it's because your blonde." replied her mother.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "we were in gym class today and we were showering. All the girls had flat chests, but I have these!" She lifted up her shirt to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good." said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" asked the girl.

And the mother answered, "No, Honey...it's because you're 24."