Hillbilly Medical Terminology

Artery
The study of fine paintings

Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria

Barium
What to do if CPR fails

Benign
What you are after you be eight

Cesarean Section
Some place in Rome

CATscan
Looking for kitty

Cauterize
Got that purty girl to look at me

Colic
A sheep dog

Coma
A punctuation mark

D & C
Where Washington is

Dilate
To live long

Enema
Not your friend

Fester
Quicker

Fibula
A small lie

G.I. Series
Baseball games between teams of soldiers

Hangnail
What you hang your coat on

Impotent
Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain
Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff
A Doctor's cane

Morbid
A higher offer than I bid

Nitrates
Lower than day rates

Node
Was aware of

Outpatient
A person who has fainted

Pap Smear
A lie about someone's Pappy

Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative
A letter carrier

Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery

Rectum
Damn near killed him

Secretion
Hiding anything

Seizure
Roman emperor

Tablet
A small table

Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport

Tumor
More than one

Urine
Opposite of you're out

Varicose Vein
Veins that are very close together