Blonde Ambitions

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. Yesterday I got a call from
the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the
windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Helloooooo???? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I
am automatically stupid. So I told him exactly what his fast-talking salesman
had told ME last year...namely, that in just ONE YEAR these
windows would pay for themselves!

"Hellllooooo?" (I told him). "It's been a year."
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I
finally just hung up. He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about
forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate a blonde
anymore!
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Blondes at the Mall:

A couple of blondes got lost at the mall. So they go to the map, where they see a red arrow that says: YOU ARE HERE
One blonde looks at the other and exclaims:"Wow! How do they know that?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run - she is still holding the grenade!
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Why did the blonde burn her ear?

The phone rang while she was ironing!
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Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton?

It said "concentrate" on it!
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How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?

Tell her a joke on a Monday!
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How do you make a blondes eyes shine bright?

Shine a flashlight in her ear!
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What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant!
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Why don't you see blonde pharmacists?

They can't get the bottles into the typewriter!
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What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

They are both empty from the neck up!
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What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A blonde parade!
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Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
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Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
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A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"